Not the biggest revelation ever, and fairly tautological, really (I feel scattered because I'm scattered! Wow!) - but it's really the truth.
Here's what I have going on at present:
1) School - I'm an education student, studying to be a 7-12 science and (hopefully) math teacher. This means I spend:
a) two days a week on campus, taking classes on pedagogy
b) two days a week in a school, getting real, hands-on experience
2) Wedding - My lovely fiance and I are getting married in two and a bit very short months, so wedding planning is taking up more and more of my time
3) Voice lessons - I love to sing, and I've finally found the time and teacher to actually learn how to do it properly.
4) Friends and family in my hometown - call it a blessing or a curse, but both sets of parents (his and mine) live in town as do his brothers and a good chunk of my extended family. Add high school friends, new friends, couple friends... basically I have a busy social life
5) Friends and family not in town - my older sister and brother are in uni out east... plus my friends from uni who are scattered every which way...
6) Fiance time! As much as I love my fiance, he is definitely much more clingy than me. A simple decision like "I think I want to go grab a coffee to clear my head and take a break" involves first letting him know what I'm going to do, a firm but gentle explanation on why I would like to do this on my own, a reassurance that this isn't me being mad at him and trying to get away, and me bringing a coffee back with me for him to make him feel better.
I know that doesn't seem bad, and that's what gets to me... I look at all of that, and it looks like a fun, balanced life. The trouble is, very little of any category is related to another. This means two things:
1) I feel like I'm about six different people right now ("student" Abby, "teacher" Abby, "high school friend" Abby, "Queen's" Abby, "family" Abby, etc)
2) When somebody asks me to add something on to my plate, they don't realize how it sends everything else out of balance.
That second one really sucks. For example, this was basically my last month:
1st week: olympics! The school I'm teaching at this term is a sports school, so watching is a must. Also, my friend in Vancouver is going to various events and wants me to watch them so we can discuss. Also, my older sister and my partner teacher at the school both used to be figure skaters so I definitely must watch all figure skating or they'll disown me. (not that I mind that last one - I love figure skating!) Oh, also my hockey-obsessed fiance needs to watch every team canada game.
2nd week: My voice teacher convinced me to go into this music competitions. Instead of it being the "stand up there and sing" thing that I thought, there is music, choreography, accompanists, costumes, etc. Being a tech-geek and not a theatre-geek, EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS NEW. Massive stress that has been building all of Feb. comes to a peak and number of rehearsals (which had been steadily gaining all month) comes to a head.
3rd week: Probably the biggest week of my school year - I spend the entire week in my school, taking over an entire class and teaching them an entire unit. Massive stress, massive amounts of prep, and massive amounts of advice/admonishments are produced.
4th week: big project due on campus. Due to prof's inability to explain anything properly (fun fact: profs are just as good/bad at TEACHING in the EDUCATION faculty as in any other), spend week furiously doing enough work for four projects to eventually turn out something close to what she wanted.
Take trying to prep for the various events in those weeks, plus trying to organize a wedding, seeing & calling friends & family, etc and you can imagine why I promptly collapsed last week into a heaving pile of rubble.
See, here's the thing: every single one of those things are totally, completely manageable. But add them all together...
My voice teacher doesn't know my school schedule, and doesn't understand that I'm that busy.
My friend doesn't know how much time a wedding takes, and doesn't understand why I don't have time to come over.
My fiance doesn't understand how stressful teaching can be, and doesn't understand why I need a break from people when I come home.
My partner teacher doesn't understand how intensive this voice competition is, and wants me to come in for extra work.
Aaah, I remember when my life was organized into two categories: "work" and "other". Work was an 8-5 job and then the rest of my time was mine to do what I wanted.
I bloody cannot WAIT until I'm back there.
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