A while back I was taking stock of where I am in my life and why it seems like I spend a good chunk of my time stressed out and/or confused and/or not quite as happy as I think I should be. See, I tend to be a happy person. In fact, my optimism is supposedly the thing that my fiance finds the most attractive about me (that is, when we're talking about personality and not about figure - he is a guy, after all). However, lately I haven't been feeling like that. I feel overwhelmed, and stressed, and sometimes I just want to jump on a plane and never come back...
In short, I feel lost.
Which is really quite stupid, when you know a bit about me - I'm young, in school (in the easiest program of my life, on top of it), I'm living with the love of my life and I'm surrounded by friends and family. I live in a nice apartment, drive a nice car, etc. The things closest to "dependants" in my life are the plants in our kitchen (which I mostly leave to my fabulous fiance... I'm pretty sure I inherited my mom's black thumb). I don't have to work for extra money, and I'm not racking up tragic amounts of debt to do this whole "post-secondary" thing... yeah, basically I live the sweet life.
Which is why it makes absolutely no sense that I was happier a few years back, when things were a LOT less settled.
So to get back to my original point (I tend to be longwinded - sorry y'all) - I was thinking about this a while back (read: last night), and I realized that one of the things that I had back then that I don't have now is reflection. I wrote in a journal (or diary, or whatever), I meditated (I took a buddhism course - long story) and I by and large had a lot more time on my hands to think. That time has disappeared lately, and I want to recapture that.
So, the plan? To write in this thing regularly. Not to become famous, or not even to find out what other people out in the great wide interwebs have done - just to reflect. And I find I reflect best when I'm open, honest, and pretending that somebody's listening. (I'm serious on that last point - I've been known to have one-sided conversations with myself while I walk. Not strange in the slightest.)
I guess that's enough for now.
No comments:
Post a Comment